Clearing the Air

In light of recent events surrounding one of my posts, I feel this entry is necessary.

My family is not perfect, nor would I ever say that we are. Like every other family in the world, we have our problems. Some are major. Others are trivial. We've dealt with drugs, death, divorce and even feuds, but I feel as if I should clear some things up when it comes to a story I recently posted.

I am well aware of what domestic abuse is. I am also aware of dangerous dating techniques. I don't support either, regardless of it involves one of my family members, one of my friends or a complete stranger.

I will say this one more time concerning that post: my grandparents were not engaged in an abusive relationship, nor did my grandfather use attempted murder as a way of getting my grandmother to be with him, nor would she have responded to that sort of tactic in the first place. For a complete stranger to interpret that story in such a negative fashion is a serious blow to me personally.

Either I really sucked at delivering that story in a positive, upbeat way, or that person just grossly misinterpreted it and then ran with her assumptions and even posted a blog of her own using parts of my story to describe an unhealthy relationship.

As a journalist I am a firm believer in the First Amendment. Free speech is a vital part of my every day life. However, before I open my mouth or put my fingers on my computer keyboard, I verify my facts. I would never offer up an assumption with such far-reaching implications as the one I've been handed recently without some hard facts, especially if I had never met the family in question.

I believe I am an ethical person. I strive to tell the truth as I know it and to be tolerant of other peoples' opinions. I deal with people in my daily job who test the limits of ethics and my patience. Their ignorance and self-importance is often something to be reckoned with, but for the most part I always keep a level head ... but of course they're not making untrue statements about my family.

So I'm done with this situation. Obviously you will believe what you want to believe at the end of the day. All I can hope is that my writing skills improve to a level of such clarity that when I tell a happy, romantic story about one of my relatives it will be perceived as such.

Happy Monday.

Warning: I Am Pissed

I've never once considered blocking someone from being able to read my posts.

Nor have I ever wanted to have to censor the comments people post.

Until tonight.

If you comment, it should be constructive. That is your right and I will happily read it.

I don't care if you agree with my opinions. I don't care if you like the way I write.

But don't ever presume that it is okay for you to assume things about my family and then leave your assumptions in my comment section. Maybe you're not from the South; maybe you didn't have a good home life. I don't care what your reasoning is, comments of the nature I've been getting lately will not be tolerated here. And to be quite honest, if you had said it to my face there would have been more than words thrown.

So here are the rules: Negative, mean comments that are in no way constructive to my posts will be deleted. If you continue to post those types of comments, you will be blocked.

Family History

History was always one of my favorite subjects in school. To this day I like learning about the past (I'm pretty convinced I was born in the wrong time period), especially when it pertains to my family history.

I think it's important to know where you come from. I mean, you never know when something your ancestors did will affect your life - maybe not in a physical way but in a genetic way.

I grew up in southwest Georgia, but my family hasn't always lived there. There's actually a pretty interesting story behind how we ended up where we are, one that involves gypsies.

My grandfather on my mother's side of the family was born and raised in Somerset, Kentucky. His daddy was the sheriff of Pulaski County.

When my granddaddy was in his late teens-early 20s, he and one of his brothers got into some trouble - what kind, I don't know. No one has ever told me. What's important is that it was a big enough deal to get my uncle locked up for a very long time and have my granddaddy outlawed from the county.

That's when he headed South with a band of gypsies and ended up in my hometown.

Once there, he started working as a truck driver for the local mule barn. It was while making a delivery that he saw my grandmother for the first time.

He said she was the prettiest girl he'd ever seen, but everyone told him not to waste his time. In turn, she didn't give him the time of day ... until one day.

My granddaddy was driving the mule truck when she crossed the street in front of him. Instead of stopping for her, he hit the gas and stopped mere inches from hitting her.

That's when she spoke to him for the first time, although what she said wasn't very ladylike. But he just grinned.

When she asked what he thought was so damn funny, he just smiled some more and said, "I got you to talk to me."

The rest is history.

Reflection of Myself

It's hard to go from having someone to do anything and everything with to having no one to even sit down and have a conversation with.

College was a great experience for me, so much more so than high school. It's where I met my best friends, where I learned to appreciate myself for who I am instead of who other people think I am thanks in large part to all the wonderful people I met during that journey.

Now that I've graduated, I still have those same great friends, although now none of us are in the same city and in the case of one of my best, best friends, separated by the whole western half of the country and then part of an ocean.

That's not to say that I don't have friends here, but it's definitely not the same. I don't have anyone (other than my fiance) who I can just show up without calling and do nothing together.

I miss that.

I miss us.

A lot.

Growing Up is Hard to Do

You've gotta grow up sometime.

Chances are you've heard that statement - maybe about yourself, maybe about someone else or maybe it was even you saying it.

You've gotta grow up sometime.

Sadly, that's just not true. At least, not for everyone.

We all know someone who hasn't grown up, or maybe we're just unable to admit to ourselves that we haven't grown up. Either way, there are people in this world who don't ever fully embrace the world of adulthood and sometimes they don't make that transition at all.

Inevitably it's those people who never seem to settle down when it comes to relationships, and why are we surprised by this?

Yes those people are fun and exciting, but when it comes to responsibility there's a certain disregard. As we get older, our responsibilities increase. It's inescapable, and although we can ignore those responsibilities, they don't go away.

When you're in a relationship, both people have to be responsible. It can't be one-sided. For one thing, it's not fair to the person having to handle all of the adult responsibilities. For another, it adds unneeded stress to that relationship and eventually resentment.

Those fun, irresponsible guys are fun for awhile, but trust me when I tell you it doesn't last. Either those guys grow into men or they don't change at all, and when it comes down to it a man is much more desirable than just some guy.

Besides, just because you're a responsible adult doesn't mean you no longer have time for fun. It just means you know what your priorities are.

Why I Haven't Blogged This Week

The stairs at work finally got me.

Behind the Scenes: Case of the Creeps

I've gotten my fair share of unwanted phone calls at the station. From the creepy to the rude to the downright weird, I've pretty much handled any type of phone situation you can think of ... but never have I ever been as creeped out as I was last night.

The phone rings. I answer it and immediately get asked, "Who'm I talking to?"

Since I'm not an on-air personality, I'm not required to tell anyone my name, so I give my standard "This is the producer, can I help you" spiel.

"So this is Ashton?"

My heart immediately starts pumping faster and my thoughts are racing to find explanations as to how this person would know my name. Granted, my name can be found on our website but even I'm not sure where to click to get to it. At any rate, since I'm not on air, no one should know who I am.

"Yes, sir. Can I help you?" I repeated myself in the hopes that he had some random question about a story we reported earlier or that he wanted to tell us about some event he wanted us to cover, but that was certainly not the case.

"This is Chris. I just wanted to know who was working tonight."

By this point I'm nearing a panic attack...

"Did you have a question tonight, sir? Or would you like to tell us about a story?"

"No, I just wanted to know who was at the station."

That's when I named off every single person in the building.

This is the first time anything like that has happened. I've been asked out, asked what I was wearing, called ugly names and had numerous stories told to me, but never have I had someone just want to know who was at the station.

Needless to say I reported it and the station is now on high alert.

This Thing Called Love

We all know somebody, or maybe a bunch of somebodies, who flit from relationship to relationship, with each new person being remarkably different from the old. And in each of these foiled attempts, that somebody always ends up shaking his or her head and saying, "I don't know why I ever thought we would work."

I was never that way when it came to relationships. In fact, I spent more time single than in one, but it was never a big deal to me. You see, I knew what I wanted out of a relationship, out of life. I didn't need to try out different types of guys one after the other until I found one that fit.

I've talked before about how I met my fiance and fell head over heels in love with him, but it never would have happened if I didn't know who I am on my own.

I knew that meeting someone while going out wasn't likely to happen, so I joined an online dating site. There are lots to choose from - you've seen the commercials for the bigger ones like Match, EHarmony or Chemistry. At the recommendation of a friend, I decided to try a smaller site that doesn't charge a membership fee, but it still came with an in-depth questionnaire to help determine what you really want in a relationship.

Knowing who you are is important, probably the most important thing you can ever accomplish in life. At the very least, it's important to know who you are before you try to be with someone else.

Just because you don't want to spend the rest of your life alone doesn't mean you shouldn't be able to do just that. Having a strong sense of who you are and being confident in your abilities to stand on your own two feet without another person to lean on will only make you that much more attractive.

It's February, a.k.a. the month of love and relationships, so all this month, in addition to the stuff I normally blog about, I'm also going to talk about relationships - loves, friendships, family and work-related.

No matter the relationship, there's always the possibility it will come to an end, permanently or temporarily. The finality of the ending is up to the parties involved, but the decision doesn't have to be mutual. It only takes one person not wanting the relationship to continue for it to end, but in order for it to last or be rekindled both parties have to want it.

Let's talk about those temporary hiatuses from a relationship. They can be caused by anything, and most times they're painful for at least one involved party.

Sometimes we don't want these relationships to end, especially in the ways that they do. We hold onto the memories, torturing ourselves and trying to figure out what went wrong where and how we could have fixed it. Eventually we resign ourselves to it and move on with our lives ... until that person comes back.

Sometimes the offense is easily forgivable and you can start right where you left off. Other times, it's not like that at all.

Sometimes so much time has passed and you've worked so hard to forget the hurt that even the thought of letting that person back in is difficult to wrap your head around.

It's not that you don't want to rekindle your friendship or relationship. No, it's not that at all. It's just that you've worked so hard to not need that person anymore and now you don't know where they fit into your life, and by letting them back in you're opening yourself back up to be hurt again.

So what do you do?

My advice? If you really do want to renew the relationship, be up front about your concerns. If the other person is serious about wanting to make things right, they'll understand and be considerate of your feelings. Then take it one day at a time, allowing time for trust to be built back up. There's no certain time frame in which you have to re-achieve the level of companionship you had before.

Remember that people make mistakes. Sometimes those mistakes are big, other times they are insignificant. In the grand scheme of things, few mistakes are so horrible that they can't be forgiven.

Ultimately it is up to you to look into your heart and determine if there's still a place in it for this past friend or lover. There's no right or wrong answer, but I firmly believe that certain people are brought into your life for a reason. Maybe they're meant to be a part of your life forever, maybe they're meant to teach you something. Whatever the reason, don't you owe it to yourself to at least find out?